What are you afraid of?

Happy Saturday.

Today was a GLORIOUS morning. I woke up and the temperature was in the 50’s, WOW! Kind of sad it wasn’t a running day. But the weather should stick around for a while. I wouldn’t be at all sad if the temperature doesn’t get to 90 again this year. Doubt we will be that lucky though.

Day two of thirty: Describe at least 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

1) Stinging insects. I am not sure when or why maybe it was because I watched My Girl as a young kid? I am TERRIFIED of getting stung by anything. My fear is probably why I felt so, so awful when Emily got attacked by hornets earlier in the summer. Bugs with stingers = me running, jumping, and shrieking.

2) Wasting away life, blinking what feels like three or four times and my kids are grown up and moving far away. I guess this fear is 2 parts really. I really really wanna live life, not be so caught up in my stupid smart phone and what other people are doing that I don’t soak in my life and what we are doing. The second part is my kids moving away. This would kill me. Or at least right now it seems like it would. If there was only one of them they wouldn’t be able to escape me I would just follow them wherever they go. But for now I will love them and trust that God has a great plan for them someday.

3) Storms. Ever since the tornado in 2011 I have had problems with severe weather. I have mostly just blamed it on PTSD. This is the only fear that I can honestly say has ever really impacted my life. Sometimes I don’t even want to leave the house if I know the weather may get bad. I find myself packing bags and preparing the storm shelter when the lowest threat of severe weather pops up. My fear just about hit rock bottom this past spring when I couldn’t even sleep in the rain and was having several tornado dreams. I could be in a dead sleep in the middle of the night it would start lightly raining and I would immediately wake up and not be able to go back to sleep until it stopped. I used to think it was a time thing. Eventually time would heal the wound and I would be better. A good friend reminded me this spring that time doesn’t heal wounds, God does. Over the past few months I have seen some major improvement and can now sleep during the rain again. I will continue to pray for trust and healing knowing that God is for me and with me, especially on those rainy nights.

What are you afraid of?

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